Types of Abuse

Types of Abuse

You might think of abuse as a very strong word that refers only to extreme experiences that happen to a few people. But the truth is that abuse comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some abuse is harmful because of its presence, and some damages because significant actions or experiences were missing. It is important to remember that the parent or caregiver does not have to intend to hurt the child for the harm to be labeled abuse.

Take a look at the following definitions. Does this change how you perceive abuse? Does it change how you look at what happened in your own story?

Abandonment involves being disregarded, ignored, forsaken, or discarded. All human beings are biologically hardwired to attach to other human beings. Attachment includes the need to bond, connect, belong, and be loved. Physical abandonment can be experienced when a child feels left alone through divorce or death, when working parents leave a child with a caregiver, when everyone in a family is too busy to connect, or when physical needs are neglected. Emotional abandonment occurs when children feel that a parent or caregiver does not value or accept them or neglects or dismisses their emotional and developmental needs, causing them to lose a sense of who they are, what they feel, or what they need.

Betrayal is the breaking of any implied or stated commitment of care. It attacks the dignity of another, leaving the person feeling marred, marked, or manipulated. Anger, contempt, loss of trust, loss of faith, numbness, and apathy are often connected to the experience of being betrayed.

Emotional Abuse may be verbal or nonverbal. Verbal abuse includes defensive anger that is used to threaten, intimidate, or distance another. It may include name-calling, cursing, criticism, continual blame-shifting, threats, and the use of zingers, as well as being argumentative, changing the subject, withholding support, humiliating, shaming, dominating, controlling, forgetting, denying, and rewriting the past.

Nonverbal abuse may be experienced in degrading gestures such as flipping the bird, the silent treatment, looking down and shaking one's head, refusing to acknowledge someone when he/she enters the room, turning one's back to another when support is needed. Economic unfairness may also be a form of nonverbal abuse, as well as the use of male privilege.

Emotional abuse can be active or passive. Active emotional abuse (of the type listed above) damages because of its presence. Passive emotional abuse damages because of its absence. The following are examples of passive emotional abuse:

Not being cherished by and delighted in by your parents simply because you exist.

Not having a parent take the time to understand who you are encouraging you to share who you are, and what you think and feel.

Not receiving large amounts of non-sexual physical nurturing laps to sit on, hands to hold, and a willingness to let you go when you have had enough.

Not receiving age-appropriate limits and having those limits enforced in ways that do not call your value into question.

Not being taught how to do hard things, such as solving problems and developing persistence.

Not being given opportunities to develop your resources and talents.

Physical Abuseis any kind of physical harm, such as beating with an object, breaking bones, burning with matches or cigarettes, hitting, slapping, or kicking, hair pulling, squeezing, pushing, shaking, and scalding with hot water. In extreme situations, physical abuse leads to death. Physical abuse also includes not allowing a child to eat, drink, or use the bathroom, or not giving the child adequate food, clothing, shelter, or medical and dental care.

Satanic Ritual Abuse includes abuse from families who have been involved in the occult (sometimes for generations), people who have been pulled in as children and are programmed to be perpetrators, and people from secret lodges, often from the wealthy, educated segments of society. These abusers can be found in churches, lodges, and community service organizations. They call on Satan to manifest himself in group meetings and ceremonies, with the goal of gaining power through harming and killing the innocent. The most innocent would be an unborn child. All that they do is designed to be a perversion of Christianity. The leaders are addicted to evil, engaging in progressively more evil activities. They use alcohol and drugs to dull their consciences and the pain of what their addiction demands that they do. Their consciences become seared.

Sexual Abuse involves any contact or interaction whereby a vulnerable person (usually a child or adolescent) is used for the sexual stimulation of an older, stronger, or more influential person. (The older, stronger, or more influential criteria may be real or perceived. Sexual abuse may occur between children who are the same age when one child is compliant and the other is the leader.)

Sexual abuse is a much broader category than physical intercourse. It includes simulated intercourse, as well as any touching, rubbing, or patting that is meant to arouse sexual pleasure in the offender. It may also involve visual, verbal, or psychological interaction where there is no physical contact.

Sexual abuse includes the seduction of a submissive adult by a person in a position of power, such as a priest, pastor, therapist, boss, doctor, or teacher. It also includes forced sexual contact, manipulated or through threats, when the aggressor is a romantic interest, colleague, co-worker, spouse, or other person.

Visual Sexual Abuse involves exposing a victim to pornography or to any other sexually provocative scene, including exposure to showering, intercourse, or various stages of undress.

Verbal Sexual Abuseinvolves an attempt to seduce or shame a child by the use of sexual or suggestive words. (Occasionally this shaming may be unintentional. The child internalizes words that a careless adult uses toward him/her and grows up bearing that false image.)

Psychological Sexual Abuseincludes interactions where a child is regularly used to play the role of an adult spouse, confidant, or counselor.

Spiritual Abuse is the misuse of Scriptures to manipulate, control, or demand submission. Spiritual authority may be misused to justify inappropriate behavior or deny another the right to attend church or engage in worship. Legalism (creating non-biblical rules that must be followed to attain good status in a church) is abusive and gives a false sense of self-righteousness. Re-abuse occurs when the pain of wounded people is minimized or labeled as unspiritual, and they are told they need to pray and read the Bible more. Ministries to the wounded need the protection of church leaders. Spiritual abuse happens when leaders refuse to believe reports of abuse in the church and do not value a person's voice, regardless of age or gender.

Spousal Abuse or Battering is a pattern of coercive behaviors used to establish control over another person through fear, intimidation, emotional abuse, or social isolation, often including the use or threat of physical or sexual violence. Spousal sexual abuse involves any sexual contact or interaction where one person is used for the sexual satisfaction of the other, or where sexual interaction is used to control or take revenge on the other spouse.

Witnessing Abuse can cause the same damage as being directly abused. People who witness abuse often feel isolated, responsible for the abuse, or helpless to stop it. They suffer from medical problems, ambivalence about one or both parents or the caregiver, fear of being abandoned, and emotional and behavioral problems. Many fear physical harm. They may be pessimistic about the future, have eating and sleeping disorders, use drugs or alcohol, engage in delinquent behavior, feel guilt and depression, and fantasize about a normal childhood. Violence is seen and experienced as the norm, which means they may have a tendency to be violent toward others or themselves.

Support OHM

Subscribe

To the OHM Newsletter

S•A•L•T•S